So for this week, since it is Mental Illness Awareness Week, I figured I would tell you guys my story. Well I actually like to think of it as my song since I think of life as one big musical arrangement. Moments of piano and forte, pianissimo and fortissimo, sharps and flats, interludes and times that cause great stress to anyone who is a part of this grand arrangement or watching the performance. But anyways, I’m blabbering so I’ll just get started with my story:
In the past year, I have learned more about myself than I ever thought I could; My ability to overcome, my will to power through some of the hardest things in my life, and my want to actually carry on with my life no matter how hard things get. Long story short, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression a year ago. Last year was probably the hardest one so far and I honestly don’t know how I could have made it through except by the help from my wonderful friends, incredible parents, and my extremely
obnoxious loving boyfriend. It was an emotional year to say the least: daily breakdowns, lots of crying and being afraid of life in general, and trying to figure out how to live like this.
I apologize if I just start to blabber. I don’t like being vulnerable. Honestly, comedy is my coping mechanism of choice. If it has to deal with my issues and I can play it off with a joke, than I’m a golden. But talking seriously about this stuff is just a lot harder for me. I originally had this huge post about how anxiety and depression made my past year a living hell to me and a struggle for my loved ones and how I am overcoming. But I started to think “Why let something that has already taken my happiness and joy for the last year have such a main spot in MY blog?!”
So yes, I will definitely say that the past year has been a major struggle on my will power, on my happiness, and on my relationships with my loved ones. And every chapter is important in a book, no matter how much you want to forget it or take it out and rip it into shreds. But how can I continue my story if there is not background to play off of? So from here on out, I won’t let my mental illnesses define me and how I live my life. Yeah it’s a daily struggle and some days are harder than others, but I’m a badass and I can do this!
So when I feel like I can’t go on some days, I think about how many people love me and how many are in my corner. And I smile like a fricking idiot and go on with my day. So Anxiety and Depression can go screw themselves because I have way too many people that are for me. People who don’t treat me like a basket case or who don’t just see my illness. They see me in all of my awkward and amazingness and choose to love me regardless. I have to say I’m a very lucky girl.
To some amazing people:
Stephanie- You helped me keep my sanity (or what was left of it) and were and always are a text or phone call away. You understood me and accepted me for who I was (even when I was wearing my fun pants). I love you and miss you so much! Get your butt back to Carrollton so we can get desserts at Applebee’s!
Gabe- I am forever grateful for meeting an amazing soul like yours. We clicked automatically and you still stuck around even through the many ups, downs, and crying phone calls I made to you. You try your best to understand what I’m going through and even when you can’t, you still hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok. You always encourage me and believe in me more than I believe in myself. I couldn’t have asked or wished for a more amazing guy to be with.
Madre: I saved you for last because you’re a loser! Ok just kidding I love you! But seriously, you’ve been the best mother anyone could ever have. You have given me knowledge that is priceless. You have sacrificed sleep and personal time to just to talk me down or calm me down from situation after situation. You always encourage me and tell me that everything will be ok, that I am not crazy, and that I am so strong. Without you in my life, I honestly don’t know what I would do. I would be a god-awful mess. You’ll always be my best friend.
If any of you guys want to learn more or know about mental illness, go to this website http://www.nami.org/. And if anyone ever needs an ear to listen, feel free to message me on Facebook or hit me up on Twitter. There should be account widgets at the bottom of the page.
Until next week!